A reflection on life as I turned 30

Turning 30 scared the living bejesus outta me.  I kept thinking to myself, and still kind of think to myself, that I really have nothing to show for my years.  I don’t own a house, I don’t have a career, I have no kids and not in a relationship.  What have I been doing with my life if I don’t have any of these things??  Well, it has slowly been dawning upon me that it doesn’t matter that I do not have any of those things.  I have had a life that is rich of experiences and feelings and memories, who cares about the tangible stuff.  I am pretty sure my blog would be uber lengthy if I went through each and everything that I have a memory of so I won’t do that.  I am going to touch upon the things in my past that have contributed to who I am today and the things I am proud of being able to accomplish in my 30 years. 

Volleyball has been my passion for my entire life.  I started back in grade 6 when we had to take it in gym class and then we started meeting after school for it.  But it wasn’t until I switched schools and actually joined an after-school team that I fell in love with the sport.  I guess it was inevitable since both my sisters played it.  In the beginning, something like my first year, I was a hitter.  Maybe my coach realized that I didn’t have that “killer instinct” or that was I was quick enough, but I soon became a setter and that was my position ever since.  It helps playing with the same people for two seasons each year as by the time I hit high school, we were a pretty unstoppable team.  

We won AVA Provincials my senior year and the second time we went to Nationals, we placed second in our pool.  Even to this day I play the sport – as Riya puts it, I am the superstar of the Nerd Squad.  I will keep playing volleyball until the day my knee absolutely quits working on me.  Volleyball gives me something that I am super proud of myself for becoming good at and being acknowledged that it is something I am good at.  It is like on the court, nothing else matters at that moment – I could be having the worst day of my life and I find myself laughing, smiling, cheering.  It gives me a sense of being that I sometimes don’t feel in my regular day life. 

I love music and it is a part of my life, a prominent part of my life.  I had the wonderful opportunity to join the band class back in grade 7 or 8 for one semester as the school had brought this in.  At first I wanted to play the drums, but I am afraid that the teacher knew I would turn into Animal and she was probably very correct in assuming this would happen.  So, instead, I got to rock out on the saxophone Lisa Simpson style (maybe it was a bit too literal of a translation in my tastes).  I did not know anything about reading or playing music before this and I would like to say that I picked it up quite quickly.  There was a whole bunch of us and I ended up getting the “chair” saxophone and during the class assembly, got a solo.  It was very nerve wracking but I loved it.  I do miss playing it now and am unsure if I picked up another saxophone if I would know what to do with it.  Also during this time of my life, I auditioned and got parts in many different plays

when they came into town.  I had no fear back then of being on the stage and acting in front of everybody.  Hell, I even got a singing role in one of the plays (my lines being *clears throat* up and down the seashore there is a tale told far and wide of a fish I caught so great that it fed the mountainside…..for a month).  Nowadays though, you wouldn’t catch me on a stage at all with that many people looking and watching me – talk about a worse nightmare.  I do not know what changed between now and then but I would like to get that aspect of me back, that aspect of not caring who is paying attention to me or how many people are paying attention to me.  I need to find that element of confidence back that seemed to exist in middle school and junior high. 

Back in 2005, after the Lumina finally had enough of a life and Corolla became far too small for me to want to drive, I got my own car.  It was mine.  No co-signer, nothing like that.  Originally I wanted the Hyundai Accent as it was tiny and cheap and I was extremely excited when I got approved for the financing for it.  One day I am at work and the dealership phones me to tell me my car was in.  Hold up – I didn’t tell them what color I wanted, and this was very important to me.  He tells me that the only car they had in stock was red and, no offense to my mother, but I refuse to drive a red car.  So no car for me.  I was extremely bummed.  We went in and test drove the Elantra as it was the next one up on the list.  Got approved for that and in a week or so, I was the proud owner of a brand new car.  Even better, in 2012, I was the proud owner of a paid off car.  It makes me extremely happy that all my hardwork of working in law firms, which I hated, turned into the wonderful feeling of owning a car that I do not have payments on.  

I have had the ability to know and feel what love is – that feeling in the stomach when one knows that no matter what, you are loved and are cared for.  I had that with John and even though it ended, I still feel like it was in the relationship for a short period of time.  Things end, it is the way of nature, and it is how one moves on from the loss that can influence the future.  Being in that relationship for 6 years has taught me a lot about myself and what I want in a relationship – it was taught me to never settle for the sake of being in a relationship, to not lose myself while in the relationship and to always communicate my feelings to that person.  I am who I am, that is not going to change and I will find a guy who appreciates me for me and does not want me to change. 

I have had the wonderful opportunity to meet some fantabulous people who will be with me until the end of time.  Back in grade 7 when I changed schools and felt dreadfully alone, Lindsay was there, feeling the same way.  She was a quiet girl who moved to the town and knew no one.  She was quiet, she was funny, she was smart, she was such a wonderful and perfect friend.  I even remember that I tried to take notes just like hers as I thought they were so cool hahaha.  Even though we are completely across the country from each other, I still have her in my heart and feel like she is just as close to me as she was back in school.  

Then, when my time in Red Deer came about, I got to meet Amie.  At first, I was petrified of this lady because she was quiet yet outspoken, serious yet funny and just all around bat-shit crazy.  However, we were the same bat-shit crazy so we went together like two peas in a pod.  I have had the pleasure of being her maid of honour at her wedding and experience Vegas first hand with her.  She has visited me in Washington and enjoyed every moment of it.  We have always planned on going to New York or Vegas again and I think it will be this year to celebrate our 30^th birthdays.  And then in Calgary, I got to meet Aly.  She is such a

ray of sunshine when everything seemed dull and dim and had the ability to put a smile on my face no matter what was happening in my life.  Without these three people in my life, I could not imagine what my life would be like right now.  They have helped shape and turn me into the person I am today and for that, I have no words to express my gratitude. 

I like to consider myself kind of sophisticated and tried to make this even more so by catching plays and whatnot.  I took my mom to see Phantom of the Opera one year and that was amazing.  I also got to see Riverdance when they were on their final tour.  The music was astounding and it just touched your soul watching them dance.  I also got to see Disney in Concert and Movie Masterpieces at the Calgary Philharmonic Orchestra.  I have seen Nickelback twice, Johnny Reid twice and Blue Rodeo.  The ballets I have been to are Swan Lake (simply amazing), Cinderella, Sarah McLaughlin and Alice In Wonderland.  Seen Elvis Tribute, Global fest fireworks show and took in some rolley derby events.  Stuff like this makes me extremely happy, content and peaceful.  I am glad for the options I have had to watch these shows and hope there are many more like them in my future. 

Moving to Washington has probably been one of the craziest adventures ever.  I never knew it was going to be possible and the mountains it took to get here were great.  I shall not boggle you down with all those details, but my time here in Washington has been incredible.  Being able to experience the Inauguration first hand, same as the 4^th of July festivities and to sit on the steps of Lincoln where so many actors and actresses have been portrayed in movies.  Living here has been so very surreal and some days I will find myself stopping wherever I am and just think to myself “I cannot believe I am here and experiencing all of this”.  Here in Washington, I have met some wonderfully colorful people who have now joined me in this chapter of my life.  As this was a huge adjustment, I do not think I would have been able to survive on my own if it was not for them. 

Well I hoped you enjoyed my birthday blog.  I really hope that the next 30 years provides just as many memories, emotions and experiences these last 30 have.  I wish you all could have celebrated this milestone with me in person, but you were with me in my hearts, just like always.  Love you all and miss you tons!!